Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
