They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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