Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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