i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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