the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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