Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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