why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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