I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
