Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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