i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
