meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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