weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
