six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
