Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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