he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
