I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
