so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
