I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
