tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
