College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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