I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
