Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
