I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
