When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
