after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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