i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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