i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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