He asked to "fluff my boner.."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
