since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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