It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
