Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
