He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
