I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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