I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
