how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
