I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
