Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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