i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
