So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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