Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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