I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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