there's paper in my vomit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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