And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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