We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
