between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
