yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
