is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
