You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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