That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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