now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
