Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
