Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
