i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
