you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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