I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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