Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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