You can't motorboat a personality
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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