Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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