i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
