You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
